If I Could Have You
by CatoradeandRobbie
Summary: Cat is the girl of Robbie's wildest dreams. If only he could have her. If only. Life has alwyas been terrible to the shy kid. Why can't this one thing just go right? Cabbie!
1. I'm No Hero

**Hi Cabbie fans!**

**I just can't stop watching **_**The Blonde Squad**_** episode. **_**I Think You're Swell**_** nearly brings me to tears every time it comes on.**

**I think I'm starting to like Cabbie more than Rori. They're so cute together!**

**So, anyway, this is my attempt at writing it. The story is completely in Robbie's POV. It's about Robbie trying to get Cat to like him back, but knowing in his heart that she never will.**

**I hope you like…**

I love her. Her red velvet hair, and her rich, chocolate eyes make me want to reach out and kiss her.

But I can't. And I never will be able to.

_Sigh. _I love her.

**The worst way to live is to sit right next to the person you love, and yet know you can never, ever have them.**

I smiled. "How was your date, Cat?" I asked, just really wanting to know whether the guy was a total jerk or not. I smiled harder.

"Really really amazing! Best date ever!" The smile on her face was brighter than mine will ever be. Cat's just so blithe. She looked away to the butterflies fluttering across the parking lot. "Gotta go, Robbie. Bye!" She jumped up and ran away to get a good look at them.

I wanted to cry. Not that she meant to hurt me in any way, whatsoever. Cat never hurt anyone. I just really want her to love me back. I don't think there's any other way to live life.

**When you see her smile, and know it's not meant for you, that's when it will hurt you the most.**

Beck looked at me seriously. "Cat can't see what you want, Rob. You have to tell her."

I tucked my smile away. "She wouldn't think any different about me. I'm not good enough for her. She needs a real guy. Someone like you."

"A smile means everything is good, to her. She doesn't know that you're hurting like this." And, with that said, Beck took his trash and left the table.

Sometimes, I will sit in my room at night and scream her name. Knowing she can't hear me, and knowing that no one else cares, I'll scream as loud as I can.

I wish she wasn't so stupid. I hate to use that word. But I want her.

**It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.**

I closed my eyes and started to dream of us. There would never be an 'us'. _Never_ in the entire future of our lives.

But that's the precise reason why I daydream about holding hands and kissing.

A guy like me doesn't get the girl in the end. No, that's the hero. I'm no hero. I'm a nerd. With a puppet. And glasses. And no muscles. And a puppet.

**It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone, especially when your heart is **_**so **_**adamant on them.**

**Like? I kinda do… so um… review! Thanks guys! I'll think you're swell if you do!**

**(P.S., not a one-shot)**


	2. You're Too Innocent

**Here's another for you guys. Enjoy!**

**We know everything is what it is for a reason, but this reason hurts. These marks don't help us overcome the pain, the making of them just barely gets us along.**

I sliced a razor across my arm. It didn't feel good. It felt the exact opposite of that.

But what kept me doing it was Cat. The pain was the exact same as never being able to be with her.

The ribbons of blood that trickled down her arm reminded me of her beautiful hair. My lip trembled, just thinking of her.

I shouldn't do this. I know it's very wrong. But I don't know any other way to cope. There're only so many tears a person can cry, and I'm not too fond of crying.

I put the blade back in my sock drawer, and went to the bathroom to wash up. No one needed to know. No one needed to see this.

**An innocent heart never knows pain, it just inflicts pain upon other innocent hearts.**

She's innocent. I can't hold her accountable for these scars. It's all me. I'm not supposed to love her, but I do. She's just acting like she should be. What's wrong with me?

What the heck is wrong with me?

I sat at the table in the Asphalt Café by myself, fingering the scars. Cat sat down beside me. "Robbie, can I ask you a question?" I hoped with all my heart that it was _that_ question. I've hoped a thousand times.

"Sure, Cat."

"Do you think I'm pretty…I mean… pretty enough for Zane to like me?

Ugh. _His_ name. I hated Zane, and I'd never even met the guy. "Cat, you're so beautiful. He's an idiot not to think so."

"No, no, he says that I'm pretty, but… all the other girls he's dated are so much prettier than I am."

"Cat you're so pretty." I bit my lip. I had to suck it up and tell her how I felt. "Cat, I like you."

She smiled. "I like you, too Robbie!" My heart skipped beats.

**At first you give me butterflies in my stomach. And then you leave bees stinging in my heart.**

"We'll always be best friends!" I think I stopped breathing for a few moments and it wasn't the good kind of 'stop breathing'. I swallowed hard.

I pulled my stuff together and stood up. "Cat, you're the prettiest girl I've ever met in my whole entire life."

I bit back tears as I ran away from her. She deserved someone to call her pretty every single day of her life. And, apparently, Zane was just the right guy.

I stormed into the Black Box theatre and up onto the catwalk. I tucked my knees to my chest and bawled.

I love her. I really, _really_ love her.

**You're the one who has my heart, you're the reason why I fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why.**

She doesn't know she's doing this to me. _Let it go, Robbie. She'll never love you like she loves Zane._

The door squeaked among the tangible silence. "Robbie? Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

I had to smile. She was just too adorable.

"Robbie, I'm not good at hide and go seek!"

I climbed down from above her. "Hi, Cat."

She ran up and hugged me. "Robbie, you're crying! What's wrong?" That look of worry on her childlike face broke me into more pieces, if that was even possible.

"I'm…" I wiped away the tears from my eyes. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Her phone rang. "Zane!" She screeched, running off to take the call.

**He's strong. He fights tears to tell you he's 'fine'.**

**Alrighty! I hope you like! Please review! It really makes my day. **


	3. I'm A Heartbreaker

**Chapter Three! Yay!**

**You. The first thing I think of every single morning, and the last thing that stays on my mind every night. **

Looking at her weakens every muscle in my body. Touching her gives my amnesia. I think kissing her might kill me. It _would_ kill me.

I stared at her. She giggled as she read text messages from her Zane.

"Rob, don't beat yourself up."

"Beck, she's not ever going to like me."

"Don't be a downer about it.

"She doesn't love me back. You don't know that feeling. Every girl you ever loved has loved you back. No fricken fair! It's not freaking fair!"

"Don't hurt yourself over it. She loves you, Rob. Just stop hurting yourself."

There was no way he could've known about my 'private actions that may or may not involve razors'. Oh, God.

**Stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels good.**

"Beck, I…"

"Don't think I don't notice that you're not the same, dude. A girl's not a reason to throw away your whole life."

I went back to staring at her. "Not just any girl. But Cat… she's definitely worth it."

His brows furrowed. "You must really love her."

I nodded. "I love her more than I've ever loved anyone before. But she doesn't want to be anything but friends."

"If you love something, set it free." He quoted, thoughtfully sipping his coffee.

"Yeah, well…"

"Or, chase after it." He winked as Cat skipped up to me.

**Chasing you isn't the problem. No, the problem is, that I'm always one step behind you.**

"Robbie! Robbie!"

"Cat! Cat!"

"You _have_ to meet my boyfriend. He's so awesome!"

I almost rolled my eyes. My heart literally shattered into a billion pieces. "Cat maybe another time."

"But, Robbie! He said he really wants to meet you!"

"Cat I don't want to meet him!" I screamed, slamming my tray down and sneering.

Her cocoa eyes filled with tears. "What's that supposed to mean?" She squeaked.

"Just leave me alone. All you've ever wanted is a guy like him. I hope you're happy!"

No, honestly. I really hoped that guy was giving her all the things I never could've. She totally deserved it. She totally deserved _him_.

"Robbie, I…" She buried her face in her hands and ran toward her loving, caring, doting boyfriend. I sighed. The words _had_ come out so fast.

**Maybe I broke your heart, but you broke mine first. A thousand times. I'm not the heartbreaker, here, am I?**

"I didn't mean for you to make the sweet thing cry, Rob."

"I didn't either." All this anger just boiled up inside of me, and I just had to scream. I never would hurt Cat on purpose. It's just that I wasn't thinking when I shouted out. She didn't deserve to be yelled at like that. Another reason why she'll never, ever love me back.

"I don't think she wants you to be jealous. I just honestly think she wanted you to meet the guy. Cat doesn't have a single evil bone in her body."

He's right.

I looked on as Zane cradled her in his arms. At one point I had to close my eyes because it hurt _that_ much. It shouldn't have, but it did.

**I get jealous every time another guy hugs you. Because, for a moment, they are holding my whole world.**

"Don't watch if it makes you uncomfortable. You hurt her. Let that be its own hurt."

But I continued to stare. Even after everyone else was long gone, I stayed.

He had begun to cheer her up, and they were going to get ice cream together. It was perfect. It was just too sickeningly perfect. I rolled my eyes, and gathered up my things.

"Wait, I have to do something quick." And she walked up to _me_ with a half-smile on that pretty little face. "Robbie, I'm sorry. I just though you…"

"I'm fine, Cat. I'm okay."

"Bye!" Her smile was full now, and she was riding away in his car. And my love was riding away in someone else's car.

**You don't get it. There isn't a single person on this earth who I'll ever love more than I love you.**

**Like? Dislike? (Sometimes I wish they just had those buttons.) Review please! :D**


	4. You're Worth This

**Here's chapter four, guys! I'm really excited about this one! *wink* *wink***

**I want to be the reason behind your smile, because you are the only reason behind mine.**

At times, I think I wish too hard. I'd lay awake at night just dreaming of her, and what it'll be like once we're together. We're perfect for each other. I was gonna get Cat if it killed me.

When she's not looking my way, I'm looking right at her. When she's falling, I'm there to catch her. If she's nattering on about something with no relevance, I'm listening. I'm doing the the best that I can to show her that I love her, and yet she's so unaware that I do.

And after being friend-zoned (and pretty hard, might I add), I was all the more determined to make her mine. Whether she liked it or not.

But, there's a humongous problem involved in my genius plan. His name is Zane, and his fingers are currently intertwined with hers. Not a good situation. I shook off the thought and tried to think about something else.

I opened my journal. On the first page, my drawing of her. On the second, a letter to her. The third page held vented frustrations. Pages after were just too tearstained to even try and decipher. The last filled page was a suicide note, written a week before that day. I called Cat. Her voice alone stopped me. But I still didn't want to throw it out.

Ugh. Reading that just made me think of her even _more_.

I picked up my guitar and played a few chords. It's hard to forget a girl like Cat. She was the only thing that I thought about in my life for years. Trying to stop thinking about her is like abandoning everything you are and starting over.

**If you asked me how many times she crossed my mind, I would say once, because she never left.**

So, there I sat. On my bed. Tears streaming my face. My guitar smashed into a thousand little tiny pieces. A pool of blood on the floor. _This is real life_, I remember thinking.

The tunnel vision set in. A knock on my door. "Robbie!" My mother.

"Mom… I'm naked." I mumbled. And then my room went black and my head hit the floor.

Living like this was too hard for me. There is _nothing_ I wanted more than her. I needed her love to survive. And watching her find comfort in his arms… it was slowly tearing me apart. This way was easier. It's the inevitable conclusion to Robbie Shapiro's life.

**I feel like I'm pulling, but there's no one on the other end pulling back.**

**There you go. Cliffy! You're welcome… :D Review plz!**


	5. I'm Alive Again

**OMG! I am sooooo sorry! I had a really tough week and crap… way too much going on in life… Sorry!**

**I don't tend to kill off my main characters, I find that really sad… But this chapter **_**is **_**sad, just in a different way. Thanks for the reviews! And enjoy!**

**I'm only going to love you twice in my life. Now, and forever.**

That moment when you open your eyes and you wake up. It was great that I didn't die, and all, but waking up to Zane cradling Cat was close enough to death in itself. She broke out of his arms and walked toward me.

"You're… okay…"

"Yeah, Cat, I'm okay." I tried to smile.

"Robbie, what happened? This isn't like you." She reached for my hand.

"You'd only understand if you were me. I- I can't tell you."

"Would you stop being such a diva?" She slapped me across the face.

Shocked, my mouth gaped open. Cat was like that though. She did that sort of thing without much warning at all. I sighed. "Cat. I'm fine."

"If you were fine this wouldn't have happened. I'm your best friend. I'm entitled to know!"

I closed my eyes. "It would be so much easier if I could tell you but… but…"

She threw my journal on my lap, open to a page—a certain page. "Just come get me when you're... ready…" She wiped away a few tears and walked out with her Zane. He eyed me curiously.

**You have a whole life ahead of you, even looking past your troubles. Just turn the page.**

She had opened up to the page with my suicide note. There was a pink pen scribble on the side reading: _Now, I feel like I never knew the real Robbie._

For once, Cat was sane. She was actually making sense. I closed the book and lied back, listening to the rather loud conversation waging between Zane and Cat.

"There's something wrong with him, Cat! You're crazy not to see that!"

"Well, he's my best friend! I guess there's something wrong with me, then!"

"He influences you in the wrong way. You shouldn't hang out with him so much."

"Robbie and I are a package deal, Zane. _You're_ crazy not to respect that!"

I smiled. She really meant it. She really, really meant it! Zane wasn't Mr. Perfect after all.

**That moment when you feel someone on the other end of the rope finally tugging back.**

"I thought you _loved_ me!" Even though I couldn't see him, I could tell he was on the verge of hitting her. I cringed inwardly, just at the thought of the innocence knocked right out of her.

"I thought I did, too, Zane. But I guess I realized that I only love one person. And he's not you. He'll never be anyone like you. He's smart, and he's funny, and he's the best guy ever. I've hurt him so much just being with you!"

I really hoped that it was me, but a little red flag went up inside. It had to be some other guy. Someone with more talent. Someone who could give her everything she'd ever wanted. Not a dumb puppeteer like me.

"We're over, then? I wasted two months of my life on a girl who loved someone else?"

"We're over. Don't call me, don't text me… I never want to see you again."

Then he mumbled a series of cuss words.

**The second chapter of life is just rebuilding with someone who's just as broken as you are—hand in hand—one brick at a time.**

The door opened. She smiled at me with loud eyes. "Zane and I…"

"I know," I said, and then quickly added, "I'm sorry." I uncrossed my arms from my chest.

"I read your journal, and I know how you feel. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"You really liked him. I'm so sorry that I… that I… made a mess of things again."

She put her hand on my cheek. "Nothing's going to change what we have, Robbie. Promise me that you'll never do this to yourself again."

"What do we have?" I furrowed my eye brows.

"I don't even know what to call it. But it _is_ special. And I'm not going to let anyone get in our way."

That determined look on her face… suddenly, she didn't seem so much like her old self anymore. I wonder what she was thinking about me in that very moment.

**Every breath I breathe is one exactly in sync with yours.**

**That one was longer. And sort of an expected conclusion, but this story's not over. By no means! Zane's story's not over yet. And what will the other guys think of Cat and Rob together? **


	6. This is Real

**Sorry about the wait. I was just cooking and baking and cleaning like all day yesterday and the day before. We had a family thing… **

**Well, anyway… did any of you watch FRED 3? I thought it was better than the second one, but still not as good as the first.**

**Wait, this is a Cabbie story… Enjoy!**

**Sometimes we have a hard time believing that this is real life.**

_I love her. Her red velvet hair, and her rich, chocolate eyes make me want to reach out and kiss her._

_ So maybe I will. Sigh. I love her._

I'm full, satisfied. There's not a single thing left to bring me down.

I slammed the car door. "Do you really like me that much?" She wondered, wrapping a strand of her hair around her finger.

"I _love you._ More than that much."

"That's… cool."

We walked hand in hand over to the regular lunch table, hearts beating in synchronization, both our minds thinking the exact same thing.

"I knew it! I knew it! How much did he pay you, Cat? And please tell me you can get a refund." Jade. Always. Jade.

Cat rolled her eyes and smiled at me. "So you guys are… for real this time?" Tori asked, poking at a salad and glancing at Andre.

"Yepper-doodle!" I confirmed, squeezing my hand tighter around hers. "It just… happened."

"And it has nothing at all to do with your epic meltdown?" Andre stood up as he spoke. "You've been acting

I inwardly groaned. No way he really was talking about that again. It had been a week since I'd gotten out of the hospital. We agreed that we wouldn't bring it up ever again.

**It's not awkward when you want the silence.**

"We're dating!" I snapped, Cat letting go of my hand for the first time since we'd been together. "Get over it!"

"Geez… I didn't realize that you were so sensitive, Puppet Boy." Jade shook her head. "No wait, I did." She popped a sly smile and just walked away.

"So… anyway…" Beck began, winking at me. "Who's auditioning for _West Side Story_?"

They kind of gave each other awkward looks. "I… am…?" Tori said, finally.

"You'd make a great Maria!" Cat cheered, clapping her hands and grinning ear to ear like only she can do. "Seriously, Tori! Let me help you with your audition makeup!"

I almost laughed.

"No offense, Cat… but the last time I let you do my makeup I ended up with a zombie special effects mask gorilla-glued to my face."

"Well… at least it stayed on." She pointed out.

**There are few people who can find the good in everything. But those few have the gift of innocence that the rest would die to have.**

"Maybe some other time…maybe when I check all your tools first."

She looked up to me. "Can I do _your_ makeup?"

I sighed. There are few things that I wouldn't do for her. "Of course, Kit Cat. As long as I check your tools first." I laid a gentle butterfly kiss on her lips.

"Sure." I kissed her again, this time full force.

**Everyone has a best friend, a partner in crime, and a true love. I'm just lucky they're all the same person.**

**Again, so incredibly sorry about the wait. And the length. I'm just really having a crazy life right now. Family party thing and now there's my Papi's knee surgery, and lots of other crap. So uh… maybe another update tomorrow… but I'm not making any promises. **


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